the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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