I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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