You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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