I wish I only lived at night.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
