Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
