Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I deserve to be covered in dicks
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I lost the right to judge tonight
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
