Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
