so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
