you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
