So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
