zippers are such a cool invention
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
