I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
