Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
