my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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