worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
