Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
