Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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