What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
