and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
