I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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