The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
