Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The power of my boobs compel you
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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