wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
