Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
