youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I cut my penus on the lid.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
