Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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