i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Randomize
