Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
