I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
