we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
