His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
