I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
