I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
