In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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