Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
