Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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