apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
