OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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