So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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