can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
