The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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