Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
