Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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