Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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