There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
