I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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