he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
