I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
