Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
