I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
