I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
