people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
