I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
