we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
