she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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