im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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