I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
its liver damage thursday
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