Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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