I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
