my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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