We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
