Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
