The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
