yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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