i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
