having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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