he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
