OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
