That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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