It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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