im drinking this country out of the recession.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
