He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
