My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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