I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
