my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
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I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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