How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
there is glitter all over my balls
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
